Being in high school is hard enough without navigating the difficulties that come with your first love.
At this point in my life I was only sixteen years old and I really didn’t think love could exist for young people – that it was something that happened when you were older and out of these weird high school years. Towards the end of my sophomore year of high school, many of my friends were in relationships before I had even started talking to my now (spoiler alert) ex-boyfriend, and seeing my friends being in love really changed my perspective about everything! I thought maybe there was a chance love could happen while people were still in high school, even though a lot of people look at young couples and don’t think their feelings are real. Fast forward a little bit, and I started dating ~Chad~*. I knew from the moment we started talking we’d have a long relationship because he was different from most boys I had met high school. Before this, guys really only seemed interested in hooking up, and Chad still wanted to hang out even after I said I couldn’t three different times.
This may sound cliché, but being in love and someone loving you is probably one of THE BEST feelings you can experience!! I know if you’re reading that you probably rolled your eyes, but knowing that you’re loved by someone in a way that is different than the love you give and receive for friends and family is an amazing feeling!!! Relationships can get hard sometimes let me tell you, but it’s just amazing how love can make all those lil fights not matter. My ex got cheated on before he dated me and it was something that was always frustrating in our relationship. But wanting to work things out because of the love we had made it bearable. Speaking in terms of high school relationships, 15 months is a pretty long time to date, and even though it’s over, I wouldn’t take back the time I had with Chad because I feel very lucky to experience love at 17; it was scary how quickly the time went by.
But as it goes ” in every relationship there’s always a chance it may not work out” (direct quote from my break up message…I know). Chad moved to the South and we tried to do long distance, but it was very stressful and hard for the both of us so we ended up breaking up. Losing a person who was constantly around is hard. I thought it was my fault we broke up, and thought that maybe we could’ve stayed together if I had done something (anything!) differently. After awhile I realized that it wasn’t either of our faults, but circumstances change and sometimes relationships just can’t adjust to that. He’ll always be in my heart as my first love, but I’m no longer in love with him. I was pretty upset when we broke up because I lost someone who had a very large presence in my life, and I wasn’t sure what I could do to feel better so I gave myself a few days to be sad and then I went on vacation — having that distraction was good.
On vacation I had some time to think and I realized that people change and in cases like this it is disappointing, but then thought to myself even I started to change post-break-up. I learned not to blame myself to situations that are out of my control and to look more inward for confidence and happiness instead of expecting someone to give it to me. I felt less worried – almost like a weight was lifted off of my shoulders. It hasn’t been very long since we’ve broken up but I feel at peace with myself and how our breakup went!! But I’ve decided to just focus on myself and find my glow**!!!!! 🌞🌞🌞
*His name has been changed and instead reflects my first real love — Chad Michael Murray.
**Editor Note: Glow or Glo is a new slang term, and the kids use it synonymously with confidence. So we’re all in-touch & not old.