Every year we are faced with the same predicament: what will I dress as for Halloween? It should be simple. Pick a TV character you like or Google “five minute costume ideas” or find last years costume in the back of the closet and wear it again. And yet, if you’re like me, you debate the pros and cons of each cheap, over-priced costume in Party City until the last second, when you decide to wear devil horns and dark lipstick for the third year in a row. Have no fear, your fellow demon is here.
The Sexy Costume
It doesn’t matter what it is, Sexy Policeman or Sexy Hot Dog. The Sexy Costume is inevitably what pops up at the top of the “For Women” list on any costume site, regardless of modesty or late October chill. I’ll try to weigh both pros and cons, for the sake of this post. Pros: can be ironic, doubles as a wash rag starting Nov 1, can be empowering. If you feel comfortable and confident in a sexy costume, go for it. The marketing behind it is not exactly well intentioned, but if you want to be a Sexy Cat then go and be a Sexy Cat. Cons: definitely freezing, made with cheap fabric that’s tight around sensitive areas, sexually objectifying. Why do I have to be a Sexy Cop? Because I have a vagina? Pretty sure I can be a Normal Cop.
On the topic, I think dressing up as a police officer or doctor or whatever is kind of strange. This aside from the fact that the look of the costumes generally miss the mark in terms of accuracy, sexy or no. People go through years of schooling to become doctors and I dress up as one on Halloween? Isn’t that embarrassing? In any case, the pros: fairly simple, not inherently offensive, relatively warm unless it’s Sexy. Cons: boring.
Pros: you’re an adorable animal. Cons: you aren’t actually an adorable animal. The typical lazy girl costume is a pair of cat ears and a black outfit. As a lazy girl, I say, so what? That’s assuming you don’t go the Mean Girls route, in which case, see: The Sexy Costume. Also, since my mother made me wear a coat on many a childhood Halloween, there’s the warmth factor. Instead of ruining your look with a jacket, dress up in something fuzzy. Polyester, of course; real fur adds insult to injury.
I love these costumes, provided they’re done well. In this case, I generally mean something the person put together themselves and didn’t just buy off the rack. DIY costumes, for the most part, are the way to go. Store bought looks fake, feels fake, and so ruins street cred. Pros: looking cool and culturally relevant. Cons: you might fail, terribly, at looking cool and culturally relevant.
Pros: if anyone casts the spell from the end of Halloweentown 2 you are set for life.
Have you reached a decision? I sure haven’t.