decision 2016: your Halloween costume

3/4 cousins were witches. how original.

Every year we are faced with the same predicament: what will I dress as for Halloween? It should be simple. Pick a TV character you like or Google “five minute costume ideas” or find last years costume in the back of the closet and wear it again. And yet, if you’re like me, you debate the pros and cons of each cheap, over-priced costume in Party City until the last second, when you decide to wear devil horns and dark lipstick for the third year in a row. Have no fear, your fellow demon is here.

The Sexy Costume

after school special,

It doesn’t matter what it is, Sexy Policeman or Sexy Hot Dog. The Sexy Costume is inevitably what pops up at the top of the “For Women” list on any costume site, regardless of modesty or late October chill. I’ll try to weigh both pros and cons, for the sake of this post. Pros: can be ironic, doubles as a wash rag starting Nov 1, can be empowering. If you feel comfortable and confident in a sexy costume, go for it. The marketing behind it is not exactly well intentioned, but if you want to be a Sexy Cat then go and be a Sexy Cat. Cons: definitely freezing, made with cheap fabric that’s tight around sensitive areas, sexually objectifying. Why do I have to be a Sexy Cop? Because I have a vagina? Pretty sure I can be a Normal Cop.


dr. shots,

On the topic, I think dressing up as a police officer or doctor or whatever is kind of strange. This aside from the fact that the look of the costumes generally miss the mark in terms of accuracy, sexy or no. People go through years of schooling to become doctors and I dress up as one on Halloween? Isn’t that embarrassing? In any case, the pros: fairly simple, not inherently offensive, relatively warm unless it’s Sexy. Cons: boring.

Another Culture

tribal tease,



jurassic park t-rex,

Pros: you’re an adorable animal. Cons: you aren’t actually an adorable animal. The typical lazy girl costume is a pair of cat ears and a black outfit. As a lazy girl, I say, so what? That’s assuming you don’t go the Mean Girls route, in which case, see: The Sexy Costume. Also, since my mother made me wear a coat on many a childhood Halloween, there’s the warmth factor. Instead of ruining your look with a jacket, dress up in something fuzzy. Polyester, of course; real fur adds insult to injury.

TV/Movie/Book/Etc Character

plus-size(?) princess leia,

I love these costumes, provided they’re done well. In this case, I generally mean something the person put together themselves and didn’t just buy off the rack. DIY costumes, for the most part, are the way to go. Store bought looks fake, feels fake, and so ruins street cred. Pros: looking cool and culturally relevant. Cons: you might fail, terribly, at looking cool and culturally relevant.


lil monster,

Pros: if anyone casts the spell from the end of Halloweentown 2 you are set for life.

Have you reached a decision? I sure haven’t.


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3 thoughts on “decision 2016: your Halloween costume

  1. Chris Looram says:

    You didn’t include ‘Athlete’. This can be easy as well, as there is often sports paraphenalia available around the house. An authentic homage to Babe Ruth, or Billy Jean King would require planning and work, but generic football player can be pulled off quickly if a team jersey happens to be lying around.

    And of course you can always go the “Sexy” athlete route with relatively minor mods to the “costume”.


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