As I mentioned in a previous post, fall is my favorite season. It’s odd that this opinion prevails considering it also tends to be my personal worst.

It’s difficult to speak for high school, or any time earlier, since I was pretty much miserable 24/7. Starting with college, though, I can fairly accurately say that fall became my worst season, in terms of personal growth and mental health. The fall semester of my freshman year in college was nothing short of a mess. I didn’t (and still don’t) know how to make friends. My roommate had her own group of friends going into the year, and I had enough self respect not to tag along as the pity-friend. I did the typical recommended freshman friend making activities (clubs, sports, etc.) but, for the most part, found them painfully embarrassing.

On the academic side, I was somehow even worse. I didn’t fail any of my classes, but I hated all of them and barely showed up on time, if at all. My morning poli sci discussion was the worst; I would wake up with 10 minutes to trudge across campus, only to sit and all but refuse to speak. I didn’t yet know how to pick a schedule that was productive but also keep me sane, and that, coupled with social issues and difficulty adjusting to change, was a nice, pumpkin flavored recipe for disaster.

Maybe, I like the seasonal changes of fall because it’s more pleasant to focus on pretty leaves than my own difficulty with changing and adapting.

It may not be anything to do with the season. Perhaps, it is simply the specter of that dismal freshman fall that continues to creep into my subconscious and make the ensuing falls seem that much worse (looking at you, 2014). In any case, I’m standing on a platform and waiting for a train that’s a half hour late, so I’m not particularly confident in fall 2016, either.

I’d like to say something positive and hopeful, like “I’ll make this fall my best yet” or “No matter what happens, I’ll come out stronger” but I don’t believe either of those things. Instead, I’d just like to know, can humans hibernate, too?

mary

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