the lipliner’s guide to wine

yes, I will take them all, thanks

Originally, I was going to write a post about last night’s episode of The Bachelorette, but I decided to write about something I enjoy, instead.

White Zinfandel: Affectionately (?) referred to as white zin, this rosé pairs best with the finale of The Bachelorette, when there’s nothing else to drink and you can’t possibly be sober for the entire 120 minutes of unintelligible sobbing. Tastes like juice.

Merlot: A red that pairs best with your mom, who has personal sized bottles stashed away in her room for rainy days. Tastes like grandma’s fifth straight Lifetime movie.

Cabernet Sauvignon: Pairs well with non-classy restaurants that have nothing better on the menu; also, drunk nights when you can say “Cab” and nothing else. Tastes like shame.

Chianti: Pairs well with liver and fava beans. Tastes like the blood of your enemies. Also, my personal fave.

Pinot Grigio: Pairs well with your sister, who can finish a two liter faster than you can say “the baby’s asleep.” Tastes like freedom (not to be confused with Budweiser).

Chardonnay: Pairs well with bad decisions. Tastes like you can finish the bottle by yourself.

Moscato: Pairs well with a summer BBQ at a family friend’s. Tastes safe, with a hint of bubbles.

Choose wisely.


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