The day that I first interviewed for my dream job, the day that I found myself in a skyscraper overlooking the greatest city in the world, the day that I rediscovered who I was and who I wanted to be, was also the day I lost (who I thought was) the love of my life.
The details don’t really matter anymore, but he moved out the day of my first interview. After a year and a half of dating and nine months of living together, he packed up his life with me and hasn’t looked back. I was used to having it all: a great boyfriend, excellent grades, a well-paying job, solid friends, a beautiful family…and for the most part, I still have all those things. That day, none of it mattered. All I felt was the loss of someone I thought I’d spend the rest of my life with. I cried for two hours on the train ride there and another two on the train ride back. But something quite incredible happened in between. I surprised myself by pulling it together. I interviewed with four editors when I expected to meet just one and two days later I was back in New York City for my second interview. I got the job. I cried a mix of joy and fear after I accepted.
I was not your typical college student. I worked thirty hours a week at a bank and held a staff writer position while balancing a social life and a relationship. Juggling so many different titles kept me grounded, kept me safe. Before I graduated I quit my safe, secure job and stopped writing to focus on starting my career in publishing. It was a transition that left me feeling anxious and pretty sad deep down. In this economy I didn’t know if I would get a good job with my English degree. I was restless. I was bored. I was a little lost. I unconsciously focused all my energy on the solid love I had with my ex. Maybe I got too comfortable with my life. Maybe I needed a swift kick in the ass.
Well, a kick is what I got. Some days are better than others. I’m learning to refocus and reimagine everything I can be, all on my own. It isn’t easy. Breakups never are. I wanted to stop time. Keep everything the way it was and fight the changes happening in my life. Even though a career in publishing is all I ever wanted, I wanted to just hit pause, maybe rewind. Life doesn’t stop because your heart breaks. No matter how much it hurts you have to keep going because the only way out is through. I know I’m lucky enough to be doing something I love, and that kind of love is very important too.
Daniela is a 23-year-old New York native. She comes from a diverse ethnic and religious background which has given her a unique perspective on many issues facing our multicultural society. She’s a former model and currently works in New York City as an Editorial Assistant.