me: a memoir

Dromore_Wood_path.JPG

Path in the Dromore Wood Nature Reserve, County Clare, Ireland; when I imagine my life journey, it looks like this

A book I just finished includes exercises for letting go of the past, as a means of transforming into your best self. A particularly painful one seems to be going through all of your memories, in order, with the idea that reliving them will allow you to release them and, therefore, move on.

When I first read it, it seemed equal parts mortifying and tedious. After thinking it over for a night, however, I think it’s both a good idea and a necessary step toward figuring out what kind of person I want to be.

I have noticed, recently, a marked uptake in my negativity. I’ve never been a particularly cheerful person, but things have seemed even bleaker as of late. I’m in the middle of trying to figure out who I am and how to get there, so it didn’t occur to me to revisit who I’ve been in the past.

The book recommends, after the process of remembering, a “ceremony” of sorts to rid yourself of past memories. Not that you’ll have wiped your brain clean, obviously, but that the emotional burden of these memories will be released and allow you to move on. The section that provided these suggestions, actually, also included advice on death. Along with the literal death of loved ones or, ultimately, oneself, the book highlights the necessary death of the past. Much like literal death, it must include a process of reconciliation and letting go.

I’ve decided, as the first step to finding myself, I will literally find myself in the past, and face all of the unsavory moments that I would rather forget, but that also turned me into the person I am today. The way in which I will do so is by writing a “memoir” of sorts, full of memories from my life. I’ve only just started, and it’s already proving a daunting yet therapeutic task. I have a ways to go, but I think I’ll come out on the other side at least a little more insightful.

mary

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